Family and Friends
July 13th 2007 11:31
Moral dilemna. On the basis that quite soon (by quite soon I mean within 12 months, question not yet asked etc etc) I will be engaging in an even that binds together two people irrevocably and therefore gathers alot of attention, I've been thinking about the people that I would be wanting to come along. On the basis that I don't want a huge gathering for this event, I am left in something of a pickle.
See, on my father's side I have one uncle. He has a partner, no kids and dad's mum. On my mother's side, I have six aunties and uncles. Most of which have an average of four kids. Who are starting to sprout partners/kids of their own. Quite simply, potentially about fifty people. Considering that my immediate family boasts ten or so people (partners, no kids yet) this means that before I invite any friends around to celebrate this, I have a guest list of sixty people. And that is the conservative guess. Friend wise, I could more than likely name close to forty people that are good enough friends that have put up with enough crap from me in order to have earned a place at such an event. So, one hundred people or more. Or thereabouts.
The ethical part of this dilemna is simply this..........Which gets priority, friends or family? I don't mean immediate family, those guys are a given. They have been in my life for a long time, some of them as long as I can remember. But where, in this case, does one's loyalties lie? Okay, extended family have had to put up with my antics and dialogue a few times a year. They have had no choice in the matter and their exposure to me has been fairly limited. On the other hand, my friends are people that chose to be associated with me. For some odd reason, they keep coming back in order to spend some time, have a chat, and potentially even kill artificially created life forms.
I have been thinking/puzzling over it for awhile now, and still haven't decided anything. Your thoughts?
JZ
See, on my father's side I have one uncle. He has a partner, no kids and dad's mum. On my mother's side, I have six aunties and uncles. Most of which have an average of four kids. Who are starting to sprout partners/kids of their own. Quite simply, potentially about fifty people. Considering that my immediate family boasts ten or so people (partners, no kids yet) this means that before I invite any friends around to celebrate this, I have a guest list of sixty people. And that is the conservative guess. Friend wise, I could more than likely name close to forty people that are good enough friends that have put up with enough crap from me in order to have earned a place at such an event. So, one hundred people or more. Or thereabouts.
The ethical part of this dilemna is simply this..........Which gets priority, friends or family? I don't mean immediate family, those guys are a given. They have been in my life for a long time, some of them as long as I can remember. But where, in this case, does one's loyalties lie? Okay, extended family have had to put up with my antics and dialogue a few times a year. They have had no choice in the matter and their exposure to me has been fairly limited. On the other hand, my friends are people that chose to be associated with me. For some odd reason, they keep coming back in order to spend some time, have a chat, and potentially even kill artificially created life forms.
I have been thinking/puzzling over it for awhile now, and still haven't decided anything. Your thoughts?
JZ
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Comment by hewhocutsdown
My mom's extended family is a total of 8, including her parents.
My dad has 7 siblings, the minimum of 2 kids (3 or 4 is average). Some cousins are married and have kids themselves.
I have tons of friends and people who would love to be in the wedding. They are all in Kuwait or Australia.
So we got married in the States. 5 people from my dad's side, 6 from my mom's were able to show up. We sent out cards to the rest. I went through 3 people before I could find a groomsman that could actually come.
Failing that....good luck!
Comment by life-stuff
Life Stuff
I live in TX, my family is all in WI or AZ. My boyfriends family is here in TX, TN, NY or FL. I think we have decided that we'll have a small wedding here or in TN, and then a big party with my friends and family up north. It's not a huge issue right now, because I'm in school and receive grant money based on my income - I wouldn't get it if we were married. We've been together 7 years, a couple more isn't going to kill us.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Yeah, a mutual friend of ours is getting married in South Africa and has put it out there that any broke australian friends, while invited, do not have to turn up. All is understood.
Fortunately for me, most of the people that I would want to be there are in this country. I'm thinking of getting a few video cameras set up in order to record the ceremony.
Thanks for dropping by dude.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
woah. To be honest, I don't really have a handle on the amounts of distance that entails, but it sounds like alot.
Weddings are funny things. Last year I went to two of them, one for my best mate, the other for my older brother. Very different, one small, one huge. Both were fantastic though.
I guess that in my case I also don't want to spend the whole day/night in public. Got things to do. A few times.
Thanks for coming by and welcome to Orble!
JZ
Comment by Roger Harris
Show Me Don't Tell Me
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In Love with Jesus Christ
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Comment by DJDazz
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
on the basis that her family and friends live in a very distant country (look up a guy named Dostoyevsky, the town he was sent to is the one where she and her family currently live) I am thinking that I don't need to plan much for them......
The elope idea looked like a goer though.
JZ
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
you are a man of many fine ideas and philosophies. If only that were one of them.
JZ
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
oooh what a dilemma! First of all CONGRATS! I hope you are both blessed with a very happy life together.
Don`t quite have anything to say really other than I know a few people who say it is a child-free event or have two groups - one for the Church ceremony and one for the Reception. Normally the older ones don`t want to really come to the Reception and the younger ones don`t really want to go to the Ceremony?
I hope it is a happy outcome without too much stress involved. I heard of one couple who asked everyone to bring their own food and drinks - then you could have whoever you wanted show up
ash
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Barring that, I expect you'll be doing a lot of list-making, staring, scribbling and sweating over the invites. No one said it was easy!
Comment by EthanZ
Basically, as far as family ago, invite the same ones that went to his. Perfect, problem solved.
The main problem though, is where the wedding is going to be. See, Josh lives in sunny Australia, and Natalie lives in not terribly sunny Russia. Depending on where the wedding is going to be held does affect who can go. Really, they should agree do that BEFORE Josh hits the interweb and starts asking people how many people to invite etc.
One other option is to pick a middle point geographically and get married there. A quick look at an atlas and a tape measure reveals that the nearest land right in between Omsk and Sydney is Vietnam, specifically in the Southish area. Once again, problem solved.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
thanks for everyones good wishes, I intend to tell people when I actually ask the question.
Right now, my theory is to have the wedding up north in Newcastle, which is close to most of my extended family, and VERY close to where I would want to spend some quality time with Natalie.
More updates later.
JZ