Rev. Dustin ParkerPain Hurts. Lots.
This post isn't about me, even though it involves me. It's dedicated to a friend that has suffered more than their fair share of it this year. There is also some swearing in this one, but sometimes the intellect cannot articulate well enough without profanity.
I go to church regularly (okay, this month not so much, but with two weddings and my younger brother coming back from Honduras after a year away) and there isn't much that annoys me than the following. People with good attitudes that say pain doesn't matter, or with an attitude that pushing through the pain is the only way to go.
Horseshit.
Things like, "his loss" or "plenty of fish in the sea" and even "God's there for you" and of course, my personal favourite, "don't worry about it, God will use this to strengthen you" don't help. Really, they don't. I know they don't (well, except for the "his loss" one, never had to worry about something like that) and to think they do alot of the time causes more hurt than help. The best advice for being a counsellor I have heard is shut up and listen. The best counselling advice I have ever heard is from my Aunt Bronwyn, a nurse. She was speaking to my uncle one Christmas. I won't go into details, but things were bad. I am also paraphrasing, forgive me, please. "You hurt like hell right now and you should. You need to know that. Things right now suck, and you you need to know they do." Believe it or not, these were the best words I have ever heard when someone needs help.
I can only write this because this year I went through alot of black, and alot of white. Not really any grey. The closest I got to grey this year was going from one to the other. The month of May was hopefully the worst month I will ever go through. I don't think that there was anything that I didn't have a problem with. My health suffered (twice), my car suffered (twice), my finances suffered (because of the car), my inner being suffered. A girl I really liked started going out with another guy (It wasn't who I am now with. I am now with Nata though, and she is AMAZING) and the help I tried to get from my friends alot of the time didn't help.
But what did it prove? A few things, I don't know it all yet. But I won't let that stop me (I am irish, we tend to be stubborn). Was I able to praise through the pain? No sorry, I wasn't. Was I able to do things like normal despite hurting like hell? Nope. I was pretty angry at some points and at times it was fairly evident. I also skipped some church here and there and my quiet times with God suffered badly.
There are times when you can "Fake it till you make it" in the praise and worship, jumping up and down until you feel as if you have something to jump up and down about. I didn't have the strength for that. For those of us who have either seen or read V for Vendetta (I've done both, the movie was better, V was a hero in the movie but in the comic book he was just a vaudevillian thug) you'll hopefully recall what one of the characters said about the last inch of us. That every other inch can be taken from us, except that last one. We can only give that inch away. It is small, and it is fragile, but it is the only thing worth having. What we do when reduced to that final inch I think is worth much more than almost anything else we could ever do. Yes, I skipped church, yes, my reading of the Word dropped off a bit. I'll admit those freely, though not happily. But at that final inch I could stand at church during worship, crying my eyes out as I said every bloody and blessed word and I damn well meant every one of them. I worshipped with everything I had left, though it was only an inch.
I know people that would have said to me that what I am saying right now is grim, but hey you know what, the world is grim. And yeah, terrible things happen, alot of the time to people that don't deserve it. I don't know how to make it stop hurting. I am really sorry, but I don't. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to get anyone out of that pain maddened circle we get into. I wish I could give you some of my strength but I don't know how to do that. The only thing I can give you is me.
JZ
I go to church regularly (okay, this month not so much, but with two weddings and my younger brother coming back from Honduras after a year away) and there isn't much that annoys me than the following. People with good attitudes that say pain doesn't matter, or with an attitude that pushing through the pain is the only way to go.
Horseshit.
Things like, "his loss" or "plenty of fish in the sea" and even "God's there for you" and of course, my personal favourite, "don't worry about it, God will use this to strengthen you" don't help. Really, they don't. I know they don't (well, except for the "his loss" one, never had to worry about something like that) and to think they do alot of the time causes more hurt than help. The best advice for being a counsellor I have heard is shut up and listen. The best counselling advice I have ever heard is from my Aunt Bronwyn, a nurse. She was speaking to my uncle one Christmas. I won't go into details, but things were bad. I am also paraphrasing, forgive me, please. "You hurt like hell right now and you should. You need to know that. Things right now suck, and you you need to know they do." Believe it or not, these were the best words I have ever heard when someone needs help.
I can only write this because this year I went through alot of black, and alot of white. Not really any grey. The closest I got to grey this year was going from one to the other. The month of May was hopefully the worst month I will ever go through. I don't think that there was anything that I didn't have a problem with. My health suffered (twice), my car suffered (twice), my finances suffered (because of the car), my inner being suffered. A girl I really liked started going out with another guy (It wasn't who I am now with. I am now with Nata though, and she is AMAZING) and the help I tried to get from my friends alot of the time didn't help.
But what did it prove? A few things, I don't know it all yet. But I won't let that stop me (I am irish, we tend to be stubborn). Was I able to praise through the pain? No sorry, I wasn't. Was I able to do things like normal despite hurting like hell? Nope. I was pretty angry at some points and at times it was fairly evident. I also skipped some church here and there and my quiet times with God suffered badly.
There are times when you can "Fake it till you make it" in the praise and worship, jumping up and down until you feel as if you have something to jump up and down about. I didn't have the strength for that. For those of us who have either seen or read V for Vendetta (I've done both, the movie was better, V was a hero in the movie but in the comic book he was just a vaudevillian thug) you'll hopefully recall what one of the characters said about the last inch of us. That every other inch can be taken from us, except that last one. We can only give that inch away. It is small, and it is fragile, but it is the only thing worth having. What we do when reduced to that final inch I think is worth much more than almost anything else we could ever do. Yes, I skipped church, yes, my reading of the Word dropped off a bit. I'll admit those freely, though not happily. But at that final inch I could stand at church during worship, crying my eyes out as I said every bloody and blessed word and I damn well meant every one of them. I worshipped with everything I had left, though it was only an inch.
I know people that would have said to me that what I am saying right now is grim, but hey you know what, the world is grim. And yeah, terrible things happen, alot of the time to people that don't deserve it. I don't know how to make it stop hurting. I am really sorry, but I don't. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to get anyone out of that pain maddened circle we get into. I wish I could give you some of my strength but I don't know how to do that. The only thing I can give you is me.
JZ
Philosophy Blog
But, from a Christian point of view, compare all the stories of the trials of saints. People who never renounce their belief. (This is, incidentally, the type of place in which Stoicism was infused into Christianity -- belief in the primacy of the will, that your own state of mind is under your control even on the torture rack, etc).
So when is pain a good enough excuse? Or is any pain -- the bleeding of a finger -- a good excuse? How much pain do you have to be under to justify renouncing your beliefs, or failing to practise them?
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Techbreak
Josh, I also enjoyed the movie V for Vendetta more than the comic. While the movie was a little sensationalist, I enjoyed that satire, while the comic had little sense of redemption...
I love Alan Moore's work, though...
I am sorry for not having answered your comments before now.
12 hour long shifts are very painful and dealing with people all day tends to drain me. I will answer you both now, hoping I have your forgiveness.
JZ
I quite liked 1984, though I thought Animal Farm was better (there's an idea, a comparison between the two for my other blog....hmmmm, watch that space) and you are right, each and every one of us has a point where we simply break and die.
Sometimes reaching that point, being broken and dying is the best thing you can do. It lets you be rebuilt. Sometimes it is the worst, because in that death you really die.
I've read about those saints as well. They mystify me. I think that for all the times I have not done as I ought I have in a way renounced my faith. But in so many trials where it would have been so easy to just up and leave my faith behind I never did. Interesting analyses work for someone, I am sure.
As for how much pain? No idea. I've been through a bit, and I know those who have been through so much more of it. Can my will override anything? I am going to go with more than likely not. It's shown itself lacking at times.
"Pain will make you do stupid things" - Dr Greg House.
Thanks for dropping on by.
JZ
p.s. I have read that the philosophy of Stoicism was around the time Paul was and that he would have more than likely had some study in it. This would explain some of 1Corinthians.
I agree with you. THe movie was very much more Hollywood but did have a far finer sense of the poetic.
I am wanting to get more into Alan Moore's work next year.
Come back again.
JZ