Religious Bulies and Why We Don't Need Them
March 28th 2007 13:36
I would like to thank everyone who dropped by over the past few days to leave a kind word or to read through my ramblings. I do apologise for not writing anything for awhile, and that now that I am, for writing with a gripe.
I have one particular amount of religious bullying I am prepared to accept. None. At all. The unfortunate thing is that I have seen alot more than none in the past twelve months. Those that have read my last few posts would have more than likely picked up that I have quite an individualistic streak in me. And I wouldn't argue, I do. The benefit of this is that I tend to think for myself. The bad point is that I object when someone insists on doing my thinking for me. Unfortunately again, I have experienced attempting this very feat in my own church. And so have quite a few others.
It is very true that christians belong to one body, but it is also very true that each body has different parts. An eye is an eye, not a nose, so it is useless to tell the eye to smell instead of see. Basic anatomy 101. Nothing Gray about that (I am sooooo sorry about that). The problem about any institution that has been heavily influenced by a charismatic individual in leadership is that too many other people in leadership try and be this individual, or at least cultivate the more public traits of the individual and then assume that it is their job to reproduce these traits in other people. Guess what, it isn't. Leadership is not trying to create a disciple based on oneself unless you happen to be God in which case you can. Leadership, true and honest leadership is about gaining an understanding about who someone is and how they can be best employed and improved. Notice that the first step is getting to know them. Without that it is simply barking orders and holding up a hoop. I know I call myself a dog, but I'm not that kind of puppy.
The worst thing about the bullying is that it can so easily be hidden, or explained in christianese. I'm sorry, but "I am now accepting higher leadership duties and need to surround myself with other leaders so you can no longer be in my Bible study group" doesn't cut it. Sorry, but that is a crap example of leadership. Leadership takes a person from where they are at and develops them from there. If you can't do that step down. It doesn't exclude because someone is not a high enough leader for you to be civil to them. I'm sorry but you've been inconsistent with turning up to church so I don't think you are ready to "step up" to where I'm trying to go. First find out why someone hasn't been turning up to church for the past few months. If you are a real leader, you'll ask how someone is before you think about cutting them loose. I could go on for a long time. I won't though, it's too much fun and that being said it is the wrong kind of fun.
The biggest problem faced by the church that I attend (which I won't name) is that leaders are permitted to be assholes. And facist ones at that. Phrases like "Catch the vision" are thrown around without any actual thought about what the vision is, and why. And not doing it gets you almost branded as a heretic. And unfortunately, there is a stereotype of leadership where someone who is popular and a particular personality type, can rise very quickly and very far (this is in the 18-25 youthgroup and I have seen it happen). I have the advantage of having been in this leadership and I was probably the worst example they had of leadership. I had only a few guys and they were none of them the stereotypical character which was always emphasised at the pulpit. For which I was grateful. Being Cool can kill more braincells than alcohol.
JZ
p.s. I want to apologise for anyone I have ever bullied. I have no excuse. It was wrong and I should not have done it.
I have one particular amount of religious bullying I am prepared to accept. None. At all. The unfortunate thing is that I have seen alot more than none in the past twelve months. Those that have read my last few posts would have more than likely picked up that I have quite an individualistic streak in me. And I wouldn't argue, I do. The benefit of this is that I tend to think for myself. The bad point is that I object when someone insists on doing my thinking for me. Unfortunately again, I have experienced attempting this very feat in my own church. And so have quite a few others.
It is very true that christians belong to one body, but it is also very true that each body has different parts. An eye is an eye, not a nose, so it is useless to tell the eye to smell instead of see. Basic anatomy 101. Nothing Gray about that (I am sooooo sorry about that). The problem about any institution that has been heavily influenced by a charismatic individual in leadership is that too many other people in leadership try and be this individual, or at least cultivate the more public traits of the individual and then assume that it is their job to reproduce these traits in other people. Guess what, it isn't. Leadership is not trying to create a disciple based on oneself unless you happen to be God in which case you can. Leadership, true and honest leadership is about gaining an understanding about who someone is and how they can be best employed and improved. Notice that the first step is getting to know them. Without that it is simply barking orders and holding up a hoop. I know I call myself a dog, but I'm not that kind of puppy.
The worst thing about the bullying is that it can so easily be hidden, or explained in christianese. I'm sorry, but "I am now accepting higher leadership duties and need to surround myself with other leaders so you can no longer be in my Bible study group" doesn't cut it. Sorry, but that is a crap example of leadership. Leadership takes a person from where they are at and develops them from there. If you can't do that step down. It doesn't exclude because someone is not a high enough leader for you to be civil to them. I'm sorry but you've been inconsistent with turning up to church so I don't think you are ready to "step up" to where I'm trying to go. First find out why someone hasn't been turning up to church for the past few months. If you are a real leader, you'll ask how someone is before you think about cutting them loose. I could go on for a long time. I won't though, it's too much fun and that being said it is the wrong kind of fun.
The biggest problem faced by the church that I attend (which I won't name) is that leaders are permitted to be assholes. And facist ones at that. Phrases like "Catch the vision" are thrown around without any actual thought about what the vision is, and why. And not doing it gets you almost branded as a heretic. And unfortunately, there is a stereotype of leadership where someone who is popular and a particular personality type, can rise very quickly and very far (this is in the 18-25 youthgroup and I have seen it happen). I have the advantage of having been in this leadership and I was probably the worst example they had of leadership. I had only a few guys and they were none of them the stereotypical character which was always emphasised at the pulpit. For which I was grateful. Being Cool can kill more braincells than alcohol.
JZ
p.s. I want to apologise for anyone I have ever bullied. I have no excuse. It was wrong and I should not have done it.
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Comment by hewhocutsdown
I loved being part of our band of misfits. It challenged me and made me uncomfortable, but I love each of the guys, and miss them.
I too had to take shelter with a certain Prof. JS against the majority of the student body & faculty at X College, for similar reasons. My mohawk signaled the demise of my spiritual life (actually, was closer to the height of it), and searching analysis provoked questions that were anarchist, heretical or mis-informed.
I don't mind having stupid questions. Sometimes I need stupid answers. And I have since learned that the vast majority of people are uncomfortable with thinking, so I tend to suss them out; a small question here or there and a reaction gauged, allows one to test the waters.
Not that I'm the smart one. I try to be honest; my spiritual life is a lot harder now though, because I'm attempting honesty with myself regarding when and how I disobey my own principles, but that conflict is preferable to a naive belief that I live exactly what I profess.
That's a discrepancy I am constantly working toward closing, but it's a journey...
Finally, JZ, don't be a smartass. I know you well enough to know you're stubborn enough to get away with it, but you may miss things that are right in front of you because of it. I love you, man. Peace
Comment by katyzzz
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God is a God of love but I would never have taken my children to a Church to have them exposed to such language.
God may love everyone, but in my book, Christians try to live by certain standards in communicating one with the other.
One can have divergent views, well expressed, not just try to score a few points with bad language, "look I'm one of you, so to speak"
I think, that way, you are backing a loser.
I hope your response to me, good or bad, will be expressed politely.
katyzzz
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Yes, from what I have heard about X college, there are quite a few abuses of people, unfortunately done under a banner that is considered unassailable. Very frustrating. A mutual friend of ours and his girlfriend have been, as you were, brutalised for not being mainstream.
Stupid questions ca be good for us. If we answer them at least it shows that we know something. If we ask them at least it shows that we know that we don't know everything.
The smartass thing is pretty difficult to stop myself from doing. I try though.
Peace dude.
p.s. love you too mate.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
admittedly, I was feeling a bit of pain when I wrote it. Not my pain, but pain for someone else. If someone attacks me, all well and good. I can deal with it. Attack a friend of mine, and I will do something about it.
I also think that generally speaking I should watch my language. I usually do pretty well, but there are times when the intellect's limits cannot be articulated, and a little profanity can help.
I love my church, really, I do. This is what distresses me so much about this. Like you, I think at christians should conduct themselves to a very high level of behaviour. What frustrates me, is not that they don't, but that they find a way of justifying when they do.
JZ
Comment by DuskDevi
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Wonderful to see you.
Hope all is well.
Hope Nata is well.
By the way my friend, it is the bullying disguised as 'wisdom' that is the real evil.
You?
....you just radiate goodness.
Comment by Sharky
Minus the profanities which I would find excessively amusing in headcrab land, the point you made is clear.
I would only add that even on this side of the party of argument, the same should go for us that we don't fall into the same trap of the anti bullying bullying which would make us bullies making the bullies the victims... you get the point.
We gotta realise that some of them don't know they're doing it so we need to show a level of grace for them. That goes for pastors, leaders, members, everyone.
Will invade your personal space sometime in 3 weeks or before then. Maybe spoil a few lovely moments on a mountain overlooking the sunrise. HAHAHAH!
catch ya mate
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Thanks, we're both doing well. Very soon I am going to be posting about how we met. Do you think people want to know or not?
Yes, bullying that tries to pass as wisdom is frustrating. As is fanatacism that attempts to pass as wisdom. As Reinhard Bonnke once said, "As christians, we must be sure that our passion is matched by our compassion or we are simply fanatics, and Christ does not want that.". Bonhoeffer said something similar.
Dusk, if I radiate goodness it is because I have been blessed to have been in the company of very good people that know how to bring it out of me. With a large truck when necessary.
Glad to see you, hope you are well.
JZ
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
some damn good points. Fighting back just because "you can" is as about as smart as a submarine with a screen door.
The main thing I would love to see in some leaders lives is the ability to ask a very simple to ask but very hard to answer question.
Why? Why do you feel that? Why are you frustrated? Why are you not agreeing with me?
Step 2 is a nice civilised conversation where both viewpoints are allowed to be aired and neither shot down through beligerence.
I think that is the main way to get rid of bullies.
Dude, feel free to invade monday night, this week or next week.
JZ
Comment by DJDazz
Good post (bar the profanity, though I see the point). I also have seen many such abuses in the name of Jesus.
The main problem with our church is that the focus is on getting more leaders (quantity) and not developing better leaders (quality). The level of leadership is quite low - to the point where leadership is fanciful catch phrase for ambition.
My usual question to a person who thinks they are leaders is: Alright, so how many books have you read on leadership? or Name a few great leaders and why they are great to you?
I personally have plenty -
- Wellington (a study of care of those under you),
- Malborough (the case for meticulous planning)
- Scipio (innovation and tactical genius in a man of character)
- Napoleon (see the bigger picture)
- Von Manstein (Right tactics and Right Timing)
- Frederick the Great (How to face adversity and win)
- Adolf Hitler (the power of Speech)
- Martin Luther King (the power of non-voilence)
- William Tyndale (Dying for your beliefs and the Word)
- Polycarp (How to "Play the Man")
- George Washington (Never Give up)
We don't need more leaders. We need BETTER leaders. We need leaders strong in Character, Theology and Love their people.
The leader I keep meeting on the other hand prefer Ambition, Popularity, Catch Phrases, Cliches, Ignorance (little knowledge of the bible), Laziness (little desire to study the bible) to name a few. Many come from broken backgrounds which when translated into Leadership causes much hurting.
God is graceful and accepts us with our weaknesses. But bad Leadership breeds. The more bad leaders there are (and the higher they are), the more good leaders will stay away and not want to be involved. The spiral downwards continues........
Dazz
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
I am in agreement with you.
The quality of some leaders leaves alot to be desired. But on the other end of the scale, if we can do something to help, we should.
Criticising is easy. And fun. But not always productive.
See ya soon mate.
JZ